I am hard to love. It’s as simple as that. I expect way too much, and I am hard to please. I am always in my head and sometimes have the hardest time communicating what I really feel. And most of the time I really don’t know what I want.
It may be the “black swan” within me from my past career in the theatre that makes me such an emotional person. And most times I have a hard time filtering my feelings in private before I explode in public… but I am working on it.
Or maybe it’s the fact that I am always in my head constantly over analyzing things that should be simple, sprung from the constant need to be perfect. I work so hard for what I have, and when I fall short I take it out on me and sometimes people around me.
I am always happy and professional on the outside, but sometimes, on the inside, I just want to cry. And maybe I won’t feel like this in a few years… or even a few weeks. But one thing I know…. it’s hard to love me.