Slow Down Dating

My friend Monica is what I like to call a “Lipstick Lesbian!”  She is beautiful, successful and a perfect catch.  But for about two years she was single, focusing on her career rather than suffering through horrible dates like the rest of us.  But just recently she had started dating, deciding to take some time out of her busy schedule to meet someone.

I would find myself receiving random texts from Monica asking questions like, “Is it ok to kiss on the first date?” or “Is it weird that they are dating other people while getting to know me?”  And I would answer back, “Yes, if you really think she is cute” or “No, you shouldn’t put all your eggs in one hen’s basket!”

After many weeks Monica and I decided to grab a cup of coffee at the Dark Horse to catch up on life.  And when I asked her about her dating adventures she mentioned this girl that she was seeing.  “It has been a month, we have kissed once, it is moving so slow… and I love it!”

Leave it to the lesbian to hit that age-old topic on the head about slowing down dating.  Are we moving too fast?  Do we leave time for romance or even to get to know our future partner? Or are we loving strangers?  Just because the city and our work lives are on fast forward doesn’t mean that our relationships have to be.  We want everything instantly in today’s society, even in finding a life partner.  You may be able to fast-track your degree or laundry service, but do you want to do the same to your love life?

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4 thoughts on “Slow Down Dating

  1. I just found this post. Love the blog!

    If taking it slow works for your friend, then the whole situation is excellent! However, I think we should be careful not to romanticize one mode of courting over another. In general, I think we tend to praise “taking it slow” which, despite our best intentions, still reflects conservative sexual mores. There isn’t anything better or more successful about relationships developing slowly or quickly. Moreover, we romanticize the rituals of the past, but I would venture that many people ended up in terrible relationships because of this mode of developing relationships. It isn’t a solution to our current problems. Just my thoughts.

    • Yes!!! I love your comment!!! It is very true. Some times it may work to take things slowly, for me there is never a rush to get to know someone. But at the same time I agree with you in the sense that you can not wait around for ever having your heart being jerked around. This just goes to show that there really aren’t any real rules when it come to … The Game:)

      • My mom called me a slut more or less because she thinks I sleep with men too quickly. Hah. Then again, my mom started dating my dad at 21, so she didn’t have time to actually date as an adult. I hate it when people who coupled up so young assume that “I would never be okay having casual sex” or “You should take it slow–that’s what I did” or “I don’t understand how people can have so many partners–I’ve only had two.” If you coupled up at 19, of course you aren’t going to have these experiences. Most 19 year olds can’t handle casual sex or have really reached sexual maturity and many of my friends think their sexual identity at 19 is their sexual identity now–it isn’t static! /rant.

        Anyway, I’ve actually had taking it slow backfire on me and I’ve had moving too quickly backfire, too. So, I don’t try to ascribe to one “game” or the other. I do what feels right. Though, often my ladybits dictate what feels right. I also try not to slut-shame myself for having sex and enjoying it if a man doesn’t want to date me. Sometimes sex is just sex. Adorable Computer Programmer and I are moving at lightening speed, which is terrifying and against my usual modus operandi. However, sleeping with him early on was a good thing for me because it didn’t give me the opportunity to desexualize him. Many years of bad dating have made me think that a good relationship has to be hard work, so if a nice guy likes me and doesn’t play games and moves slowly, I will remove any sexual attraction to him.

  2. Well, Olympia don’t even get me started on people who think you are a slut for having a healthy sex life. As far as I am concerend about the whole thing, I am the one having my own sex not you so I shouldn’t let anyone make me feel bad about having sex. As long as you are safe and don’t disrespect your moral feelings, then I say go for it!!!

    As for the “slowing down” or “speeding up” when it comes to dating, I agree with you for going with your instinctual feelings. Unfortunately there are no rules, every person or relationship is different, so you really have to play out how you feel. Because, if you always follow your heart, no matter what the outcome you won’t regret a thing.

    And thanks Olympia for the comments they are amazing:)

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