Living in this speedy city has a way of making you cold. You are used to people screwing you over in both your professional and personal life. And you are almost never thrown a bone by anyone to make your life a little more manageable. But, you accept it and you become one of the big dogs that are willing to chew-up those around you to survive. It becomes second nature to be independent. You just know how to take care of yourself and try to prepare for a time when things may fall apart.
We also become skilled in the unfortunate dating scene within this city. We know how to simultaneously date a few people at a time just incase our first dating pick falls through. We know how to pay our own way into our fabulous lifestyle that we try to build. We know how to cut corners in our budget if we get unexpected expenses. We know how to protect ourselves from heartbreak when it rears its ugly head. And we know how to make it through the day and pick ourselves up for tomorrow.
But what happens when you are not by yourself anymore? What happens when it is not “YOU” but “WE?” Your mentality has to change. You have to learn how to let them pay for dinner. You have to learn to let them into your personal space. You have to learn how to incorporate them into your schedule. And you have to learn how to let them love you.
It first hit me that my boyfriend was going to stick around when we found ourselves in a compromising situation and I started to panic. I instantly thought of how I was going to pay for this unexpected situation. How I was going to schedule the appointments. How I was going to make sure I was ok. Except I was missing one thing…. him. He looked at me as I was making a mental plan, held my hand and said, “We will be ok.” He said “WE.” For the first time I knew what it felt like to be in a real relationship where I wasn’t secretly planning for it to end. A relationship where I couldn’t plan the future. A relationship where I felt safe.