The other day I found myself at Jet Fuel with my friend Stacey catching up over a strong cappuccino. Our coffee date was long over due and I was sad to find out about Stacy breaking up with her boyfriend. It was definitely a shock because Stacey and her boyfriend were the most stable couple I knew. Actually, they were perfect!
When talking to Stacey about the break-up I came to realize that she was full of anger. Everything her boyfriend did, or didn’t do, made her livid and fuming with anger. But where was this anger coming from? Was this anger stemmed from sadness or hate?
After saying goodbye to Stacey I started to think about her situation. It was not hate that created this anger for her boyfriend, it was love. Haven’t we all been in a fight with our partner that has blown out of proportion? I know when a colleague at work that I don’t really care for pisses me off I show signs of annoyance. But, it can never compare to the anger you feel for a loved one. Why is it when you get into a fight with your partner you just see red?
So maybe it’s not hate that you are feeling when you say “I hate you!” In fact, I think that it is uncontrollable love. And the only way to protect ourselves from delving into the crushing walls of absolute vulnerability is to become angry at those we love most. So the next time your partner (or you for that matter) gets uncontrollably angry, just know it’s because they love you so much it scares them.