Mom’s Sex Talk: But Your Bed Is From IKEA!

Many people wouldn’t dream of talking to their mother about their sexcapades.  But, my mom is the first person I call after sex!  Every now and then I will now post a blog called “Mom’s Sex Talk” about my crazy mom and her hilarious encounters with my sex life.

About a year ago I was seeing this guy named Mike.  He was tall, dark, and Portuguese!  We met at the closing party of a show that he was in at the time.  Do not ask me the name of the show, I skipped it and went straight to the after party with a friend.

So while my girl friend and I were ordering Vodka Soda’s at the bar of the Hotel Ocho, we were cruising the scene for some hot chorus boys.  After many drinks, many introductions, and a bit of dancing I was approached at the bar by Mike.  My girl friend had just left for the washroom and he went in for the kill.  “Did anyone ever tell you that you have a great smile.” It was the oldest line in the book, but with his dark features and dancer physique he had just won me over.

For the next month Mike and I would spend time in High Park, going to movies, or having dinner dates at home. It was very low maintenance, but it was a nice introduction into my relaxing Summer. Then one day when he was over making sushi at my place I made the mistake of answering my mom’s call.  And even worse putting her on speaker phone.

As my mother was filling me in on her life she asked me what I was doing.  I told her that Mike and I were making sushi at my apartment and without thinking told her she was on speaker phone.  “Oh hunny, but your bed is from IKEA!  So that means nothing too athletic in bed tonight Mike!”  Mike looked at me with horror and I disconnected the call immediately.

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