Dear Mr. Douchebag

The following blog post is dedicated to my lovely friend Tessa and her hilarious story!

1345945161285_854699Dear Mr. Douchebag,

I was very happy the other night when we all went out for drinks.  You remember?  You, me, …. and your girlfriend.  We all have gone to University together and know each other well, so I thought it would be no hassle to stay the night on your couch while I was visiting the city.

You seemed to be very happy with your girlfriend.  Laughing at her jokes and holding her hand.  I was just thankful to finally be around a perfectly normal and romantic couple.  She even volunteered to be the designated driver for the night so that you and I could have some drinks.  She was perfectly lovely.That is why I was completely traumatized by what events occurred later that night.

I waved good-bye to your girlfriend as you kissed and thanked her for the drive home. We then stayed up to watch a bit of TV and eat our Poutini’s fries when you tried to put your arm around me.  I thought I was having a drunk hallucination, so decided that it was time for me to go to bed.

doucheAs I started to doze off in the spare bedroom, you came in and rested yourself beside me in the bed.  I looked at you and said, “Are you kidding me?”  And then I was waving down a taxi to take me to another friends place.

So here I am writing you a letter to let you know that you have surpassed the level of ‘asshole’ and that maybe you should reconsider dating your girlfriend.

Sincerely,

Tessa

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4 thoughts on “Dear Mr. Douchebag

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