Mr. Clingy

2234617585_3pnhfc_xlargeI was just finishing at the gym in Liberty Village when I was surprised to see many frantic texts from Kaitlyn. “Remember when I said that I told Nathan that we were just going to be friends? Well, last night when we were out he introduced me to his friends as his GIRLFRIEND!!” I felt bad that her annoying love life was my main source of entertainment this week. “And his profile pic on Facebook is of him and I!” She sounded like she was having a meltdown. “OMG, he is calling me right now!” Poor Kaitlyn, I hope she has some extra percocets to get through this one.

Kaitlyn had just hit that frame of mind after the ending of a long-term relationship where you finally feel that it is ok to be single. Unfortunately, that was when Nathan (a.k.a “Mr. Clingy”) came into the picture. He was tall, beautiful and worked in the music industry. I don’t know about you, but that sounds pretty perfect to me. And so did Kaitlyn, until one day when Mr. Perfect turned into Mr. Clingy.

After a few weeks of seeing each other, and a few too many cocktails, Kaitlyn had accidentally agreed to becoming more than just friends with Nathan. However, she was not at all ready for what she would face the next day.

Mr Clingy“He wouldn’t leave! He wanted to cuddle the whole day, and his morning breath was so bad!!!” I tried to contain my laughter and be more supportive when Kaitlyn was showing signs of fleeing the City. “I finally made my friend text me to say that she just “broke-up” with her boyfriend so that I had an excuse to leave.”

Even though Kaitlyn was extremely annoyed by the love from Mr. Clingy, I was very happy to see her confidence in being independent. I mean, we all see girls break-up with the love of their life to only run to another man a week later. Hell, I am even guilty of that sin. But, is being alone really that bad? Do we need to have our love jump from one man to the next without anytime to heal? And, can we fully embrace and find peace within being alone?

Well one thing is for sure, Kaitlyn has no trouble being an independent woman and I love her for it. I just hope Mr. Clingy is as accepting of her independence.

Here’s To Trimming The Fat!

339021-3423-35This past weekend I went to the yoga studio with my good girlfriend Tina to help center ourselves after a stressful week. Sixty downward dogs and a balanced Chakra later we found ourselves at our regular cafe on Queen West, The Beaver. And naturally after some quick catch-up about work the conversation went towards relationships. Tina then informed me that she started again seeing her toxic crush, Aaron.

Now Aaron was that beautiful guy that any young woman would fall for. He had light brown hair, blue eyes, and was an “artist”. Which roughly translates into a player who you will probably have to support financially until you have finally shaken his deadbeat ass off of your ‘gravy train.’ I had a bitter taste about Aaron from the beginning when he showed no sign of committing to Tina. And just to my dismay… he was back!

“He just got out of a bad relationship with his ex and doesn’t want to rush into anything right now,” Tina explained as if she was trying to convince herself that she was fine with that fact. “And besides there is no one special in my life and he makes me feel good when he is around. So what is wrong with that?”

nationalendbadrelationshipdayInstantly my inner rage was back in full swing and I found myself thinking, as I ordered a Mimosa, “Well, so much for Yoga!” But this is something we all do as young hopefuls in this challenging game of love. We put aside our best interests for men who, quite frankly will refuse to ever give us what we really want and deserve… a relationship! And how are you actually going to find Mr. Perfect if you are constantly distracted by half-ass relationships that are moving slower than the King Street car during rush hour?

As soon as my Mimosa was brought to the table I raised my glass to Tina to make a toast to both our well-being for the week. And as our glasses clinked, I smiled and said, “Here’s to trimming the fat!”

The Same Mistake

Once upon a time there was a smart and beautiful girl, and her name was Mel.  Mel was brought up in the most supportive environment and had many opportunities at her fingertips.  With everything that she was given she never took anything for granted and was thankful for all of her support.  She had the world at her finger tips; she was smart, beautiful, well spoken and driven.

One day Mel met her perfect male counterpart.  He was successful, kind and very sexy.  He was the man who Mel saw herself getting married to and was grateful that he came into her life.  They could talk about each other’s secrets, had the same values and both were involved in the same past-time activities.

One night Mel and Mr. Perfect were out for the most magical night of fabulous food, strong drinks, and wonderful entertainment.  The night then ended in a magical evening of sexual passion.  Mel awoke being held by Mr. Perfect and knew that in his arms was where she belonged.

However, this did not seem like the end of Mel’s fairytale.  Mr. Perfect ended up being not-so perfect and she found herself begging for the one thing she needed and he couldn’t give her; a relationship. Mel was heart-broken and for the first time this bright-eyed girl had no hope.

After a few years Mel had accomplished a great deal.  She traveled, got her dream job, had the most supportive friends, and had an apartment that you would kill for.  But on an evening out on the town with the girls she ran into Mr. Perfect.  Would she let her guard down again after working so hard on moving on?  Maybe it was fate giving them another chance?  After all, it was the first place they met.

Mel woke up.  Once again she was in the arms of Mr. Perfect after a blissful night of passion.  But, this time she had a different feeling.  Mel slipped out of bed without waking Mr. Perfect and left leaving her lost dreams behind in the bed.  As she stepped into the taxi she looked back up towards Mr. Perfect’s condo and realized she did it again.  She made the same mistake.

The Straw That Broke The Relationship’s Back

Late as usual, I found myself throwing cash at the taxi driver as I stumbled into the restaurant.  Sure enough Tessa was waiting at the table for me with a drink in hand to medicate her stress from the week.  I hadn’t seen my friend in ages, so was very excited to catch up with her formally over some vodka.  I threw my coat on the chair, “So what is new my favourite….”

“I am over men and even trying to date them!” Tessa screamed before I could even finish my sentence.  I signed to the bartender to get me a drink and sat attentively to the story of Tessa and her boy-that-went-wrong situation.

Tessa met this very attractive man by the name of Steve.  Steve was tall, dark, and perfectly scruffy.  A dream boat for the trendy-art-scene kind of girl.  Scruff and tattoos, how could you go wrong?

One night Tessa was coming back from the gym and looked at the text message sent by Steve.  “Hey babe, you wanna come over and spend the night with me in my hot tub?”  “Sorry Steve, I am having a girls night at my place tonight,” she texted back.  “They can come hang out in the hot tub too;)” Tessa’s mouth dropped, she was just not the kind of girl who shared.

A second chance.  Steve and Tessa were at dinner.  The night was beautiful; wine, steak, candle light.  Then Tessa felt something rubbing up against her leg.  She looked slighty under the table to see that Steve had taken off his shoe and now was rubbing her leg with his foot.  She looked up to see Steve winking at her, but all that she could think was, “His dirty foot is touching my leg!”

The straw that broke the relationship’s back.  One day Steve and Tessa were arranging a seafood date over text.  “As long as there is lobster at this place I will be content,” texted Tessa.  Steve replied, “Well I am in the mood for some good Calamary.”

Hold the front door! Steve just spelt Calamari completely wrong.  And that was the straw that broke the relationship’s back.

“So you dumped a guy because he spelt Calamari wrong?” I said as I finished off my drink and motioned for another.  “Of course hunny! How do you expect me to date an idiot who can’t spell,” said Tessa as she downed the rest of her drink.  I rolled my eyes, but ultimately agreed with her.

Love or Hate?

The other day I found myself at Jet Fuel with my friend Stacey catching up over a strong cappuccino.  Our coffee date was long over due and I was sad to find out about Stacy breaking up with her boyfriend.  It was definitely a shock because Stacey and her boyfriend were the most stable couple I knew.  Actually, they were perfect!

When talking to Stacey about the break-up I came to realize that she was full of anger.  Everything her boyfriend did, or didn’t do, made her livid and fuming with anger.  But where was this anger coming from?  Was this anger stemmed from sadness or hate?

After saying goodbye to Stacey I started to think about her situation.  It was not hate that created this anger for her boyfriend, it was love.  Haven’t we all been in a fight with our partner that has blown out of proportion?  I know when a colleague at work that I don’t really care for pisses me off I show signs of annoyance.  But, it can never compare to the anger you feel for a loved one.  Why is it when you get into a fight with your partner you just see red?

So maybe it’s not hate that you are feeling when you say “I hate you!” In fact, I think that it is uncontrollable love.  And the only way to protect ourselves from delving into the crushing walls of absolute vulnerability is to become angry at those we love most.  So the next time your partner (or you for that matter) gets uncontrollably angry, just know it’s because they love you so much it scares them.