Mr. Clingy

2234617585_3pnhfc_xlargeI was just finishing at the gym in Liberty Village when I was surprised to see many frantic texts from Kaitlyn. “Remember when I said that I told Nathan that we were just going to be friends? Well, last night when we were out he introduced me to his friends as his GIRLFRIEND!!” I felt bad that her annoying love life was my main source of entertainment this week. “And his profile pic on Facebook is of him and I!” She sounded like she was having a meltdown. “OMG, he is calling me right now!” Poor Kaitlyn, I hope she has some extra percocets to get through this one.

Kaitlyn had just hit that frame of mind after the ending of a long-term relationship where you finally feel that it is ok to be single. Unfortunately, that was when Nathan (a.k.a “Mr. Clingy”) came into the picture. He was tall, beautiful and worked in the music industry. I don’t know about you, but that sounds pretty perfect to me. And so did Kaitlyn, until one day when Mr. Perfect turned into Mr. Clingy.

After a few weeks of seeing each other, and a few too many cocktails, Kaitlyn had accidentally agreed to becoming more than just friends with Nathan. However, she was not at all ready for what she would face the next day.

Mr Clingy“He wouldn’t leave! He wanted to cuddle the whole day, and his morning breath was so bad!!!” I tried to contain my laughter and be more supportive when Kaitlyn was showing signs of fleeing the City. “I finally made my friend text me to say that she just “broke-up” with her boyfriend so that I had an excuse to leave.”

Even though Kaitlyn was extremely annoyed by the love from Mr. Clingy, I was very happy to see her confidence in being independent. I mean, we all see girls break-up with the love of their life to only run to another man a week later. Hell, I am even guilty of that sin. But, is being alone really that bad? Do we need to have our love jump from one man to the next without anytime to heal? And, can we fully embrace and find peace within being alone?

Well one thing is for sure, Kaitlyn has no trouble being an independent woman and I love her for it. I just hope Mr. Clingy is as accepting of her independence.

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Turn-off Texting

sexting“I am so happy I have finally found a guy that I could see myself marrying!”  Sarah was so excited she didn’t need that Pike Place venti from Starbucks.  “You just met the guy, why are you getting your hopes up so quickly?”  I was still a little hung over from the night before and not yet ready for Sarah and her ‘he-is-my-future-husband’ talks.

“But this one is different I just know,” Sarah said with a twinkle in her eye that made my vodka-filled stomach turn.  “You always put yourself into these situations where the guy does not measure up to your expectations or you just end up doing something crazy like accidentally sleeping with someone’s dad,” I said knowing I had hit a sensitive spot.  “I told you to never talk about that situation again,” Sarah said trying to give me the scariest glare she could muster.  “And besides I know I am right about this guy.”

A few weeks ago Sarah had met William at an art opening on Queen West in which they shared a mutual love over abstract photography.  After a beautiful night of great conversation and looking at wonderful art Sarah and William had exchanged numbers.  The second she got home William texted her, “I had a wonderful night with u.  Would u be free 4 din next wk?”  And from there began Sarah’s love infatuation.

Due to both of their busy schedules they were only able to get together on the weekends, but that did not stop their romantic texting.  “Ur eyes r so beautiful I could stare at them 4ever,” he would write her almost every day.  “I am so happy to have found a man who is such a gentleman,” she would respond.

sextingDays had past and Sarah had never been so attached to her phone before.  Almost grabbing at the phone before the text had arrived proved to Sarah that she was in fact smitten with her dear William and was happy that with her horrible track record had found a decent guy.

Then, one evening after William dropped Sarah off at her apartment after dinner they started sending their good-night texts.  Sarah was about to fall asleep into sweet dreams of William brushing her away to his beautiful country home, when she had received a text from William.  “It was so hard 2 leave u tonight my love.”  Sarah smiled and was half way through writing her response when she got another incoming text from William, “I can’t wait till I am deep inside u and we r fcking like animals.”

Sarah just dropped her phone in horror.  She didn’t respond to William ever again.

Here’s To Trimming The Fat!

339021-3423-35This past weekend I went to the yoga studio with my good girlfriend Tina to help center ourselves after a stressful week. Sixty downward dogs and a balanced Chakra later we found ourselves at our regular cafe on Queen West, The Beaver. And naturally after some quick catch-up about work the conversation went towards relationships. Tina then informed me that she started again seeing her toxic crush, Aaron.

Now Aaron was that beautiful guy that any young woman would fall for. He had light brown hair, blue eyes, and was an “artist”. Which roughly translates into a player who you will probably have to support financially until you have finally shaken his deadbeat ass off of your ‘gravy train.’ I had a bitter taste about Aaron from the beginning when he showed no sign of committing to Tina. And just to my dismay… he was back!

“He just got out of a bad relationship with his ex and doesn’t want to rush into anything right now,” Tina explained as if she was trying to convince herself that she was fine with that fact. “And besides there is no one special in my life and he makes me feel good when he is around. So what is wrong with that?”

nationalendbadrelationshipdayInstantly my inner rage was back in full swing and I found myself thinking, as I ordered a Mimosa, “Well, so much for Yoga!” But this is something we all do as young hopefuls in this challenging game of love. We put aside our best interests for men who, quite frankly will refuse to ever give us what we really want and deserve… a relationship! And how are you actually going to find Mr. Perfect if you are constantly distracted by half-ass relationships that are moving slower than the King Street car during rush hour?

As soon as my Mimosa was brought to the table I raised my glass to Tina to make a toast to both our well-being for the week. And as our glasses clinked, I smiled and said, “Here’s to trimming the fat!”

It Is Your Story, Not His

The other night I got a call around 12:30 am and when I picked up my phone all I could hear on the other line was frantic crying.  There it was again, another break-up.  This is my third friend this month who has found her relationship come to an end.  Tis the season! I guess forking out money for another Christmas gift is the deciding factor for this season’s break-ups.

I stumbled my way out of the bedroom trying to console my friend while at the same time not trying to disturb my sleeping boyfriend. “I don’t know how this happened! I didn’t even see this coming!” said my friend from the other line.  I tried my best to console her and ended the talk with, “This is a chance to find ‘you’ and grow into yourself.  You will be ok, it will just take time.”

The other day when my boy and I were walking the dog I brought up the fact that it seemed like everyone was breaking up for the holidays.  My boyfriend then surprised me with his next comment, “Hunny I heard you talking the other night on the phone to your friend and I think you were not really giving the best advice.”

“Excuse me?” I was taken aback by my boyfriend’s statement.  “It just sounded like you were telling her what she wanted to hear,” he said, trying to lighten the tone as he just awoken the ‘Black Swan’ within me.  And for the first time I did not have some witty or insightful answer.

I then found myself thinking of how we cope with break-ups and how we hope our friends say things like, “You can do better” or “He was just jealous of your success.”  But, do we really know why their boyfriend called off the romance?  Do we expect or need our friends to tell us the things we want to hear to move on, even though they may not be true?  And do we have to learn something from our break-up to make us feel better about moving on?

After much thinking… and even more dirty martinis, I decided that it is OUR story.  The truth is we will get better, this is not the end of the world.  It may hurt and seem like you cannot live without him, but the truth is your dream man will come into your life.  I may sound like a dreamer, but if we were to just give up what would we have to look forward to in the future?  Yes it hurts now and nothing makes sense, but if you continue to have that hope of finding love your soul mate will come into your life.  And no man, no matter how significant he is in my life, will ever destroy my hope of that one love.   Remember girls, it is your story… NOT his.

The Straw That Broke The Relationship’s Back

Late as usual, I found myself throwing cash at the taxi driver as I stumbled into the restaurant.  Sure enough Tessa was waiting at the table for me with a drink in hand to medicate her stress from the week.  I hadn’t seen my friend in ages, so was very excited to catch up with her formally over some vodka.  I threw my coat on the chair, “So what is new my favourite….”

“I am over men and even trying to date them!” Tessa screamed before I could even finish my sentence.  I signed to the bartender to get me a drink and sat attentively to the story of Tessa and her boy-that-went-wrong situation.

Tessa met this very attractive man by the name of Steve.  Steve was tall, dark, and perfectly scruffy.  A dream boat for the trendy-art-scene kind of girl.  Scruff and tattoos, how could you go wrong?

One night Tessa was coming back from the gym and looked at the text message sent by Steve.  “Hey babe, you wanna come over and spend the night with me in my hot tub?”  “Sorry Steve, I am having a girls night at my place tonight,” she texted back.  “They can come hang out in the hot tub too;)” Tessa’s mouth dropped, she was just not the kind of girl who shared.

A second chance.  Steve and Tessa were at dinner.  The night was beautiful; wine, steak, candle light.  Then Tessa felt something rubbing up against her leg.  She looked slighty under the table to see that Steve had taken off his shoe and now was rubbing her leg with his foot.  She looked up to see Steve winking at her, but all that she could think was, “His dirty foot is touching my leg!”

The straw that broke the relationship’s back.  One day Steve and Tessa were arranging a seafood date over text.  “As long as there is lobster at this place I will be content,” texted Tessa.  Steve replied, “Well I am in the mood for some good Calamary.”

Hold the front door! Steve just spelt Calamari completely wrong.  And that was the straw that broke the relationship’s back.

“So you dumped a guy because he spelt Calamari wrong?” I said as I finished off my drink and motioned for another.  “Of course hunny! How do you expect me to date an idiot who can’t spell,” said Tessa as she downed the rest of her drink.  I rolled my eyes, but ultimately agreed with her.

The Talk

A group of us got together for some great beer at Sin and Redemption a few weeks ago.  It was the usual social gathering; some good drinks, some great company, the one bitch you wish would shut-up, and some good old relationship talk.  It never ceases to amaze me the opinions or stories that come up about sex and relationships when alcohol is involved.  But on the most part we all were fairly happy with where our lives were heading.

I was approaching that line where I was no longer buzzed but becoming drunk, so I decided to call it a night and say goodbye to everyone.  As I was leaving my friend Lacey came stumbling after me.  “I am heading the same way you are so I thought I would leave as well,” she said with a smile.  I always enjoy good company so I told her that she was more than welcome to join me.  Also I could use a person to hold on to because the I was starting to get the spins.

We continued down the sidewalk in silence for a few minutes and then Lacey blurted, “My boyfriend is leaving the country for five months and I don’t know what is happening with us!”  And just like that I was sober.  I looked at her and said, “Tell me everything!”

Lacey and her boyfriend are that couple that are so sweet that they almost make you want to vomit.  They never get into any serious fights, they are loving in public, and they have a great sex life.  But just recently her boyfriend’s job was about to take him to China for five months.  I don’t know about you, but I personally couldn’t go from seeing a boy all the time to not being able to touch them for five whole months.  Lacey then looked at me with her eyes starting to water, “We haven’t even talked about what is going to happen to us.  I am just scared it won’t be what I want to hear.”

How does distance change a relationship?  Does it make it stronger or does it mean the end?  Does distance really make the heart grow fonder or is that something we tell ourselves to help us cope with the pain?  Now in Lacey’s case I know that they will be fine.  Lacey and her boyfriend have been away from each other for months before and are stronger than ever, so how would this be any different?

After comforting her with the known facts from her past Lacey looked at me and said, “I just hate that I am so dependent on him.  Before I was so strong, but now I don’t know what I would do if I lost him.”  I felt like the wind was knocked out of me as I instantly thought of losing my man.  Maybe it is not the fear of having our loved ones on the other side of the world that scares us so much.  Maybe it is the thought that if something were to end our relationship we just might not have the strength to survive.

Another Lesbian?

Once upon a time there was a man named Frank.  Frank was the usual good looking man.  He was tall, blonde, and had beautifully chiselled features.  He was a fantastic catch to the modern day woman, but Frank suffered from a confidence problem.

Frank’s first girlfriend was the love of his life.  They were together for two years and were the most attractive couple.  Everything was perfect, or so Frank thought.  One night, after three weeks of careful planning, he had organized the perfect plan to propose to his girlfriend.  However, once the large public proposal occured, his girlfriend looked at hime and said, “I can’t! I think I am a lesbian.”

Frank was crushed.  And ever since his hopeful future wife turned out to be a lesbian he was never the same in the dating world, despite his good looks.  However, a few years later Frank had met Sherry, a girl he was introduced to through friends in common.  Frank and Sherry became very close and found themselves spending most of there time together.  Whether it was going to the movies or grabing a beer they were lost in their own world.

After a month of his close friendship with Sherry, Frank decided to push their friendship to the next level.  He was incredibly happy to find a girl that he felt comfortable with, for he hadn’t felt this attracted to someone since his first girlfriend.

The day arrived to ask Sherry out on their first date.  He decided to take her out to the Kit Kat Bar for some drinks and was excited to see where the night would take them.  So before they had met up that day for a kick boxing class he had planned out his date-asking speech.  But, horribly enough when he asked Sherry on the date she looked at him in horror and said, “Oh Frank, I am a lesbian.  I thought you knew.”

You Deserve Better

 

To all my readers out there who may find themselves in a toxic relationship.  Find the strength and bravery to determine when enough is enough.  And always remember, you deserve better.

The Fuck Buddy

A very common term today in the dating world is the ‘Fuck Buddy.’  A term defined as a sex partner to whom you have no special attachment.  But, as we have experienced or have heard from others, this hardly ever is the case.  No matter what happens with a “Fuck Buddy” at least one of the individuals develops some sort of attachment, even if the degree is very small.  Something that always seems like it will be fun and stress-free initially always turns into a not-so-orgasmic ending.

Last summer I delved into the ‘Fuck Buddy’ phase and it started off wonderfully.  He was strong, dark, and Columbian; whose lack of conversation was more than made up for in the bedroom.  We would routinely meet up after work or the gym and have a quickie in his apartment.  Both of us were enjoying our arrangement; a sexual release without the time-consuming activities of a relationship.  But then we started forming more than just the ‘Fuck Buddy’ relationship.

Late one night after a mind-blowing orgasm my Columbian buddy asked me to stay the night and cuddle.  I had nowhere to be the next morning and after my long day at work I agreed to this pleasing suggestion.  Then our ‘Fuck Buddy’ relationship turned sour.  I started to develop something for my Columbian buddy and when I confronted him with my feelings, he wanted to only maintain in an unattached relationship.

It was hard not to develop feelings with a man who started to take me out to dinner, watch movies with me, and who was sooooo good in bed.  He was acting like my boyfriend, I just didn’t understand why we couldn’t just make it official.  He would even get jealous if I talked about other men.  After playing these mind games I decided that our ‘Fuck Buddy’ relationship was not serving its stress-free characteristics anymore and decided to finish it.  And besides, how could I actually find a future boyfriend if I was pre-occupied with a ‘Sex Buddy.’

Half a year later I was in Yorkville shopping and my phone received a text message.  And there it was, after so long, a text from my ‘Sex Buddy’ saying, “Hey babe, I miss you! Can you come over tonight so I can see you.”  I looked at the text message, smiled and pressed ‘delete’.  Our sexual agreement was nice at the time, but now I have a man who loves me in and outside of the bedroom.