Turn-off Texting

sexting“I am so happy I have finally found a guy that I could see myself marrying!”  Sarah was so excited she didn’t need that Pike Place venti from Starbucks.  “You just met the guy, why are you getting your hopes up so quickly?”  I was still a little hung over from the night before and not yet ready for Sarah and her ‘he-is-my-future-husband’ talks.

“But this one is different I just know,” Sarah said with a twinkle in her eye that made my vodka-filled stomach turn.  “You always put yourself into these situations where the guy does not measure up to your expectations or you just end up doing something crazy like accidentally sleeping with someone’s dad,” I said knowing I had hit a sensitive spot.  “I told you to never talk about that situation again,” Sarah said trying to give me the scariest glare she could muster.  “And besides I know I am right about this guy.”

A few weeks ago Sarah had met William at an art opening on Queen West in which they shared a mutual love over abstract photography.  After a beautiful night of great conversation and looking at wonderful art Sarah and William had exchanged numbers.  The second she got home William texted her, “I had a wonderful night with u.  Would u be free 4 din next wk?”  And from there began Sarah’s love infatuation.

Due to both of their busy schedules they were only able to get together on the weekends, but that did not stop their romantic texting.  “Ur eyes r so beautiful I could stare at them 4ever,” he would write her almost every day.  “I am so happy to have found a man who is such a gentleman,” she would respond.

sextingDays had past and Sarah had never been so attached to her phone before.  Almost grabbing at the phone before the text had arrived proved to Sarah that she was in fact smitten with her dear William and was happy that with her horrible track record had found a decent guy.

Then, one evening after William dropped Sarah off at her apartment after dinner they started sending their good-night texts.  Sarah was about to fall asleep into sweet dreams of William brushing her away to his beautiful country home, when she had received a text from William.  “It was so hard 2 leave u tonight my love.”  Sarah smiled and was half way through writing her response when she got another incoming text from William, “I can’t wait till I am deep inside u and we r fcking like animals.”

Sarah just dropped her phone in horror.  She didn’t respond to William ever again.

The Same Mistake

Once upon a time there was a smart and beautiful girl, and her name was Mel.  Mel was brought up in the most supportive environment and had many opportunities at her fingertips.  With everything that she was given she never took anything for granted and was thankful for all of her support.  She had the world at her finger tips; she was smart, beautiful, well spoken and driven.

One day Mel met her perfect male counterpart.  He was successful, kind and very sexy.  He was the man who Mel saw herself getting married to and was grateful that he came into her life.  They could talk about each other’s secrets, had the same values and both were involved in the same past-time activities.

One night Mel and Mr. Perfect were out for the most magical night of fabulous food, strong drinks, and wonderful entertainment.  The night then ended in a magical evening of sexual passion.  Mel awoke being held by Mr. Perfect and knew that in his arms was where she belonged.

However, this did not seem like the end of Mel’s fairytale.  Mr. Perfect ended up being not-so perfect and she found herself begging for the one thing she needed and he couldn’t give her; a relationship. Mel was heart-broken and for the first time this bright-eyed girl had no hope.

After a few years Mel had accomplished a great deal.  She traveled, got her dream job, had the most supportive friends, and had an apartment that you would kill for.  But on an evening out on the town with the girls she ran into Mr. Perfect.  Would she let her guard down again after working so hard on moving on?  Maybe it was fate giving them another chance?  After all, it was the first place they met.

Mel woke up.  Once again she was in the arms of Mr. Perfect after a blissful night of passion.  But, this time she had a different feeling.  Mel slipped out of bed without waking Mr. Perfect and left leaving her lost dreams behind in the bed.  As she stepped into the taxi she looked back up towards Mr. Perfect’s condo and realized she did it again.  She made the same mistake.

Beauty and the Beast

We all have turned on our TV to see shows such as, “According to Jim” where the over-weight homely guy is married to a blonde bombshell.  Even Disney did their own interpretation of this commonly seen occurrence with a beautiful brunette and a man who was a beast…. literally.  But unfortunately this stereotype does not seem to be only fictional.

Just the other day I was witness to this strange occurrence.  I was walking down Yonge street when this beautiful blonde caught my eye.  But it was not the fact that she was drop-dead-gorgeous that caught my attention. It was the fact that she was hanging off a man who seemed like he was way out of her league.  I mean the woman was wearing Manolos and he had on a frumpy plaid American Eagle shirt with a hole in it.

I know it is not all about looks, and I am not including those cute little nerdy guys who have their own niche market.  I am talking about those men that look and act like complete douchebags.  How do men like that seem to get these gorgeous women?

I think it has to do with a confidence thing.  Sometimes the only way these men get amazing women are by telling them that they can’t do any better.  But let me tell you one little secret honey….. YOU CAN!!!!  Now, if they are amazing to you both in life and in the bedroom, then no problem.  But, if he looks and acts like a dick, forget about it babe.  This is Toronto!  There are bigger and better fish to catch.

Deal Breakers

Me: Tell me something interesting about you.

Cute Man: Like what?  What do you want to know?

Me: I don’t know, surprise me!

Cute Man:  Well I am getting through a messy divorce and have two children.

SURPRISE!!!!!!!!

So that was my deal breaker.  How could I date a man with children?  I have more vodka in my fridge then food.  I can’t date a man with rug rats, even if he was drop-dead gorgeous.  But we all have deal breakers, you know those tiny little flaws that will determine whether or not we move from dating to a monogamous relationship.  Some are small like not paying for dinner.  Whereas some are larger, like going through a divorce.  The point is we all have them.  So I started asking the question, “What’s your deal breaker?”

Robin’s Deal Breaker:  “A man who has no ambitions in life and just sits in his basement smoking pot and playing video games.”

Sheila’s Deal Breaker:  “A man who can’t form a tangible sentence or tell you what he is actually feeling in the relationship.”

Yasmin’s Deal Breaker:  “Someone that lives with too much shit and doesn’t know who they really are.”

Martin’s Deal Breaker:  “A girl who never gets off her phone and uses too many F*#$ing emoticons.”

So it is clear that we all have various deal breakers.  What are we able to live with in a relationship?  Are some flaws forgivable?  Or are some flaws just deal breakers?

What is your deal breaker?